Thoughts about letting go

Phnom Penh, Dec 2010

In Ron’s Studio

Caught between two worlds

Walking slowly into the new one.

Panic as I see the old one slowly disappearing.

Friends voices heard less and less

As they absorb into their own lives

Their colours melting into a blur.

Turning round, looking forward

Seeing a moonscape.

People in groups and couples milling about

Some near, some at a distance.

Some catch my eye and beckon me over

Some just wave and smile

Some don’t notice at all.

Children run in between

And people speak a wall of words

That leave me baffled and confused.

But I go on

And wait. And walk.

Sometimes lie down and sleep.

Sometimes join in.

Later in my flat
I’ve been running with a head like an owl.

I see what’s before me

Then I look around

And wander this way and that.

I want to run back to the safe places

And be among known faces

But the distance I have covered is too much.

I could go back but what for?

To try and join in with lives that have let me go

And no longer see me in them.

So I rein in my head, hold it steady,

And choose to run forward into a space

Where there is no crowd

Where there are no cheers

Just me and the ground

And space all around

And a smile from heaven

That’s slowly getting closer.