Cambodia Arrival

Phnom Penh, mid Nov 2010 

Flying half way across the world in a day or two

Leaves little time to adjust.

Suddenly you arrive in a bright space

Where the warm air clings

And words whirl round

Like a babble of sound.

No home, no job, no friends.

40 – an age where most people have all that

Plus more: partner, kids, money, status.

But I chose to let it go

And come here following a longing and a call.

It’s an experience of extreme vulnerability

No home, no cover, no security.

Of course back there looks better

Of course voices resonate

And memories of laughter and connection

Loom larger than life.

It’s hard to be in the desert

Even after feeling hemmed in back there.

Now I have to find the energy

The inner resolve

To do it again

To begin life, again.

Would I have been happier if I’d stayed?

Maybe.

More comfortable, more secure.

More understood.

But not true to what’s inside

All the words woven over the years

Needing to work outwards

And not relentlessly over and over themselves.